The BEST Musician Jokes in the World(Page 6)

Q: Why do deadheads swirl their arms when they dance? A: To keep the music out of their eyes.	Q: What's the difference between a SCUD missile and a bad oboist? A: A bad oboist can kill you.
Audition: The act of putting oneself under extreme duress to satisfy the sadistic intentions of someone who has already made up his mind.	Musica ficta: When you lose your place and have to bluff until you find it again.
Q: How do you know when deadheads have been staying with you? A: They're still there.	Q: What has 3 teeth and an I.Q. of 47? A: The first 4 rows at a Marilyn Manson Concert.
Subito piano: Indicates an opportunity for some obscure orchestra player to become a soloist.	Conductor: A musician who is adept at following many people at the same time.
Vibrato: Used by singers to hide the fact that they are on the wrong pitch.	Music: A complex organizations of sounds that is set down by the composer, incorrectly interpreted by the conductor, who is ignored by the musicians, the result of which is ignored by the audience.
Q: What do deadheads say when they run out of pot? A: What is this awful music?
Q: There are two tuba players sitting in a car. Who's driving? A: The policeman	You might be a sax redneck if: you have an old bass sax up on blocks in your front yard you think the bell of your instrument is a great place to hold a long neck during a gig. the gun rack in your pickup truck holds a couple of old Buescher sopranos you think that Boots Randolph is the greatest Jazz musician who ever lived
Q: What do you call a drummer in a three-piece suit? A: "The Defendant"
Q: How many Musician jokes are there? A: Just one -- all the rest are true!!
Q: What's the difference between a sound man and God? A: God doesn't think he's a sound man.
Q: How many producers does it take to change a light bulb? A: ...hmm...I don't know...what do you think?	Q: What do you have when a group of conductors are up to their necks in wet concrete? A: Not enough concrete.
Q. How can you tell if a plane is full of flute players? A: When the engines stop, the whining continues.	Q: How do you tell you are at a Bluegrass show? A: If there are more people on the stage than in the audience.
Q: How many psychologists does it take to change a sax mouthpiece? A: Only one, but the mouthpiece must be willing to change!	Michael Caine walks up to Milton Berle during a party and asks, "What kind of cigar are you smoking there?" "It's a Lawrence Welk." says Milton. "What's a Lawrence Welk?" Michael asks. Milton says "It's a piece of crap with a band wrapped around it."
Q: What's the difference between an oboe and a bassoon? A: You can hit a baseball further with a bassoon.	Q: How does a young man become a member of a high school chorus? A: On the first day of school he turns into the wrong classroom.
Q: Did you know the Irish invented the bagpipes as a joke? A: The Scots haven't got it yet.	Q: What would a musician do if he won a million dollars? A: Continue to play gigs until the money ran out.
Q: How do you tell if a tenor is dead? A: The wine bottle is still full and the comics haven't been touched.	Q: What happened to Bach after he had 20 children? A: His Organ Baroque!
Q: What were Kurt Cobain's last words? A: "Hole is really going to be big."	Q: What's the first thing a soprano does in the morning? A: Puts on her clothes and goes home.
Q: What's the difference between alto clef and Greek? A: Some conductors actually read Greek.	Q: If a drummer and a musician caught a cab, which one would be the musician? A: The cab driver.
Q: How are a banjo player and a blind javelin thrower alike? A: Both command immediate attention and alarm, and force everyone to move out of range.	Q: What do you call a french horn player with two brain cells? A: Pregnant.
Q: What do you call a French Horn player that can actually get and stay in tune? A: God.	Q: How can you tell the first chair oboe player has been at a computer? A: There is white out all over the screen.
Q: How can you tell the second chair oboe player was at the computer after the first chair oboe player? A: There is writing on the white out.	Q: Why do oboists drive BMWs? A: Because they can spell it.
Q: How do trumpet players traditionally greet each other? A: "Hi. Nice to meet you. I'm better than you."	Q: How do you get a trumpet player to play softly? A: Take away his instrument.
Q: How many trumpet players does it take to pave a driveway? A: Seven- if you lay them out correctly.	Q: What's the difference between a jet airplane and a trumpet? A: About three decibels.
Q: What did Captain Picard say when he entered a jazz club and saw a trombonist on stage? A: "Computer: End program!"	Q: Why do people play trombone? A: Because they can't move their fingers and read music at the same time.
Q: How many trombonists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None, but it's the only thing they won't screw.	Q: What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm? A: A tattoo.
Relative minor: A guitarist's girlfriend.	Big band: When the bar pays enough to bring in two banjo players.
Passing tone: Frequently heard near the baked beans at family barbecues.	Trotto: An early Italian form of Montezuma's Revenge.


PAGE 5	TOP	PAGE 7

CALL RON - 561-635-5623 or 561-745-4946
This Site Best Viewed In 1024x768 With any of these

CALL RON - 561-635-5623 or 561-745-4946